Thoughts – Good, Bad, Ugly, Scattered

by Sarah

I fantasize about rolling over on my right side.

The rods in my leg feel like I’m being jabbed with nails in my bones when I walk.

I may be getting too comfortable with bed head.

Wearing Nurse Jill’s swimsuit coverup for 4 days in a row is completely acceptable.

My lounge chair on the patio is just two hops out of my back door and I often scooch out there first thing to catch the sunrise in whatever I happen to have on due to the cumbersomeness of getting fully dressed.  I have big, black hornets that like to swarm the back door when it gets warm.  I do a weird little dance with my crutch as I try to get past them and back into the house.  Sometimes it takes several minutes.  Today I looked up and saw my neighbor watching me with a confused/disturbed look.  I waved.  He retreated into his house.

Everyone wants to see my incisions.  Right?

I find myself waiting for Nurse Jill to come back and shave my legs even though I could probably do it myself by now.

Showering on one leg is a learned skill.  I feel like there should be applause when I’m done.

When Robb Wolf says he will do anything he can for you on the same day his wife has a baby, you cry.

Waking me up is an offense punishable by at least one blow of the Pink Cane.

You really appreciate a cup of coffee when it takes you 20+ minutes to make it.

I will always be stunned at the callous, invasive questions people ask my parents; the insensitivity of people who barely know them, simply gossips who are curious about the sordid details and no genuine compassion for them.  I have no time for those people but they better never cross my path.

My 83 year old father fell down on a sidewalk by the town square this week and looks like he got beat up.  This breaks my heart.  My mother is having significant pain in her knee and it’s going to need to be addressed soon.  I need to take care of them.

It took less than two weeks for my quad to turn to jelly due to lack of use.

It’s pretty cool to have your friends bring the world to you when you can’t easily get out to experience it on your own.

Situations like this bring out people’s true character.  Some have already faded away.  Many more have bloomed like beautiful flowers.

The doctors are flat out wrong when they say I’ll be taking narcotics for a month and won’t drive for six weeks, amongst other things.  Already proven.  As Dr. K said, they do not know me.

Never underestimate the power of a good haircut and style by someone who knows what she’s doing.  Hell, never underestimate the power of simply having hair.

My back aches almost all the time.  Anything that engages it is painful.

I’m pretty self-absorbed for the time being but that doesn’t mean I stopped caring about everyone else.  I just require additional focus to, you know, save my own life.  For the time being.

I’m looking forward to rolling out the BMW and getting some moto-therapy.  Soon.

One friend had a baby this week, another lost his father.  Life and death are always around us, book ends.  Humor is the filling in the middle.  And food.  Occasionally booze.  Hopefully some bike rides soon, too.  Sunrises and sunsets.  Whatever filling we choose, I guess.

Walking, or crutching as I call it, quite slowly up and down the sidewalk in front of my house has enabled me to take notice of all sorts of detail I’d previously never seen; the gifts in slowing down.

I wonder if the state fair has hover rounds with turbo.

It amazes me that so many think nothing of chemotherapy and narcotics with their huge downsides and toxicity but get their panties in a bunch when it comes to medical marijuana.  We have a long way to go with the education of the public on these topics.  C’mon people.  This is a no-brainer.

“The food you eat can either be the safest and most powerful form of medicine or the slowest form of poison.”

Sleeping with windows open at the end of July in Iowa, comfortably, is a new experience for me.  The little things.

We parked in the handicapped parking space for the first time yesterday, due to my own needs.  It’s a weird feeling…a relief and also rather sad.

My mother doesn’t remember everything I tell her and sometimes remembers incorrectly.  I hate it that I sometimes lose my patience with her. My frustration comes out in the wrong way with the people I love the most.

There are multiple times a day when I look up and halfway expect a laugh track to play.

“Whine on your own time.”  Even before I knew my expected life timeline got squished, I had no time for bitching, especially about problems that most people in the world would kill to have.  This has not changed.  This is a Pink Cane worthy offense, maybe even two blows.

The intuitiveness and compassion of dogs continues to amaze me.

I’m ready to ride a bike.  I think it will be easier than walking.  Now to figure out how to carry a crutch on my bike.  Or just not stop?

I can be raw, graphic, mine humor from dark places and otherwise quite real, kind of like life.  If you have not previously realized this, consider yourself warned.  I make no apologies.

I expect people to be as real with me as I am with them.  I can take it.  I need it.  If you think I want anything sugar-coated, you do not know me.

I’ve had a distinct lack of “noise” in my life since all of this started five weeks ago….no TV, no music, until today.  Today it is loud.  Testing-the-limits-of-my-speakers loud.  It can’t get loud enough.

No matter what’s going on with you, no matter how bad you think you have it, it can always be worse and someone else is currently dealing with those circumstances.

Kindness goes a long way.

Humor is good medicine.

People that offer both are invaluable.  Tie them up and keep them in your basement for safe keeping.